As I sit here listening to the early fireworks and wait for the countdown to 2013, I've been inspired to try to write a blog by my best friend. She is an amazing writer and person, and her posts are interesting and thought-provoking. I'm not sure that mine will be anywhere close, but writing is supposed to be therapeutic for the soul.
I have many resolutions for this year as most people do. But I do argue with myself which ones I should actually call "resolutions" and which should just be "wishful thinking." First and foremost, I wish to be more thankful for the amazing things I have in my life. My life is not perfect, but I have some amazing gifts. I have two beautiful boys who are growing up way too fast; I have a teaching career that I love, and my income is stable and comfortable. Many in the world cannot say as much.
My boys are the light of my life. Andrew is my first miracle baby because he was a 3rd try IVF baby boy. He is a blue-eyed, redheaded imp who is amazingly smart and clever. He is sensitive and loving to everyone he meets. He doesn't know a stranger, and he steals everyone's heart. Austin is my second miracle baby boy. According to doctors, he had a less than 1% chance of happening, and I was told I had a better shot at getting struck by lightning. Well, welcome Mr. Flash. He is a blue-eyed, strawberry blond angel who steals my heart everyday. He is sensitive and fearless all at once- and truly a mama's boy for now. I am blessed that both are happy and healthy little boys.
When I think of those who have children with issues that are life-threatening, it makes my heart ache for them. And it makes me feel guilty for all the times I yell at or spank my boys. One little girl in particular seems to have captivated my mind. Her name is Lily. According to Austin, Lily is his girlfriend. He says he loves her. And what's not to love? She is a beautiful, blue-eyed blonde with ringlet curls. But she also has a brain tumor that is causing her endless agony. She has already had surgery once before, and now she is undergoing massive chemo to try to zap the monster called CANCER. When I think of Lily, I want to cry. Why this little girl? Why any little girl? Why ANYONE? I cannot begin to fathom the pain her family and she are in. And I don't think I want to try. I haven't told Austin that Lily may not live. He loves her. And in an almost-three-year-old mind, that is pure and sweet. I want his love to stay innocent forever. And maybe in this instant, I can protect him from pain.
My conclusion from this is that my resolution should be to love my children wholeheartedly and to try and make their lives the best they can be. I know that's cliche, but its my duty. And for myself, I should continue to remind myself how lucky I truly am. Life is not always about the dreams you have for your future, though they are important. Life is about the present and the now and the dreams you've already been granted. Looking ahead is smart, but I need constantly to remind myself that the present is already here. I need to get the most of each second of time I have with my boys and cherish it with all my heart.
I am the lucky one for having my life graced with these two beautiful boys.
Happy New Year to me- living up to my own expectations is all I could ever hope for!
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